Give it Your All

I have said it before, but growing up, I watched my parents make marriage look easy. The most remarkable thing about their marriage was their absolute unity. It seemed flawless. The one thing we kids knew was that they were a united front. Everything they did as parents reflected the deeper principle that in their marriage they were one. They loved each other and they liked each other. They were all in.

How do couples achieve such unity? The underlying principle lies in math. Logically, or should I say mathematically, two halves equal a whole. It is really as simple as that. But in united marriages, the math is far more complicated, yet much more simple.

Most in the world would define it as a 50/50 union where the husband and wife both give 50% thus mathematically equaling 100%. But that couldn’t be more wrong. If two people in a couple were to each give 50% they would be putting forth a failing effort. And reflecting their effort, their marriage would likely fail.

Unity in marriage will not come from two spouses giving an equal 50%.

So really, the equation should look like this:

100% wife + 100% husband=100% Unity in marriage.

In his book, Drawing Heaven Into Our Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard said:

“No partner on the face of the earth can meet all our needs. In mortality, we live with disappointment. We can dwell on our discontent or we can celebrate the points of connection.”

Giving 100% in a marriage isn’t easy. It means doing all you can in order to:

“…dedicate our lives, our talents, our weekends, and our weaknesses to the sacred enterprise of sanctifying our marriages and ultimately perfecting our souls.”

Giving 100% in marriage is a great protection. It prevents petty differences from becoming what John Gottman calls “perpetual differences.” Perpetual differences are unsolvable problems in which hidden or unspoken dreams are unnoticed or disregarded, thus creating uncompromising hearts and contentious disputes that never seem to get solved. 

Giving 100% causes two people to come together and in the face of differing personalities, preferences and pet peeves to compromise, give in or give up whatever may be standing in the way of oneness. It teaches that true unity is true power. We cannot fully trust, understand, or love another while we are only giving a half effort.